"When I was a child..."

“…I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” (1 Cor 13:11)

The context of the verse is on Spiritual Gift and love. Paul was speaking on the attitude of Christians in Corinth, that they ought to act as mature Christians. In the same manner that even applies to life.

I have been thinking about this in many different aspect of my own life. I’m currently 26, single and is the “main bread winner” and only male sibling in a household of 3 women (a mom and two younger sisters… and that’s a topic in an of itself, yikes!).

I was just having a great conversation with a cousin of mines and as we talked I mentioned how at my age and status, I can do SO MUCH and here is a partial list of things like I’d to accomplish this year, God willing that is:

Publish my poetry/make an EP of poems
Save up at least 1,000 dollars by year end
Become a home owner
Become the man of a woman’s dreams/A man after God’s own heart
I use to think things like the first one were too lofty a goal, but not anymore. I’ve been short changing myself. By the grace of God he’s given me a gift to write poetry and to express things in a way others cannot. And I am so grateful for it all. So why wouldn’t I try to become published or make a cd of my poetry? It is most definitely possible in this day and age.

To save up 1,000… December alone showed me how much I frivolously spend my money. Too much of it is in video games (when I was a child), but now the only time I play is if there are others who play with me or if I play Kinect Games (i.e. Dance Central. And trust me—I can and WILL smash you with my dance moves LOL) I don’t mean to brag but I most definitely make much more than my mother and my middle sister (well… for now… when my sister moves she’ll be BALLIN’ and I’ll speak of that soon). But right now I have less than 10 bucks in my checkin and savings. My credit card is maxed out.

This comes to my 3rd and 4th accomplishment: Becoming a home owner and becoming a man of a woman’s dreams/A man after God’s own heart. If I can’t even save money then how can I even think of paying a mortgage? I have a hard enough time paying for rent! Why? Cause I foolishly spend. I mean, I have food in the fridge but I rather go out to eat. I know I don’t need something, I just want it (i.e. video games haha) and so I buy it.

I have learned that one of the biggest reasons why couples divorce (even in the Christian household) is financial reasons. It’s been said that women have the need to feel secure and men have the need to be a provider. I honestly believe that need is God created. So in that case, if I cannot even provide for my current family (my mom and sisters) then how much more difficulty will I have in my own family, if the Lord wills?

My personal prayer is that I be a man after God’s heart and I believe only then will God allow me to become a man of a woman’s dreams. I mean hey, let’s be real, I’m totally lacking the in sexiness factor, but who cares? Looks fade in the end, but the spirit in eternal. Plus, I would hope that the woman whom God brings into my life would know that “beauty is only skin deep.”

Lord, this is my prayer to you. That Your will alone be done in my life. That it is YOU who moves my hand and head and heart. The bible is clear, “Many plans are in a man’s heart, But the counsel of the LORD will stand” and also “The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.”

Direct my steps O Lord. May I maximize every day that you give me knowing that my “life is like a vapor.” I give this all to you God. I have never been more determined in all my life than now to give it ALL TO YOU. I want and desire the best and that means… YOUR WILL ALONE. Grow me to be the man I ought to be, for my family, my future family and even your church.

And I won’t shy away God, yes Lord, I desire companionship. But help me to be content in my current status as single for your word says that You me “to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord;”

Free me from this concern Lord until you see fit to bring that woman “who fears the Lord and is to be praised” into my life.

This is my prayer to you God. May Your will, be done. In Christ name, Amen.